I have a lover, His love is inside Me
If He wishes to walk upon my cheek He shall.
My soul is His soul, His soul is my soul
I know that am a trace of His perfume,
If He wishes I wish, and if I wish, He wishes.

I am devoted to Antinous, he is everything to me, the moon and the stars, a representation of the cosmos upon which I place my understanding of myself and of what godliness should mean. I first encountered Antinous in 1997 when I purchased an old art history book which featured a page about Antinous and two pictures. I was fascinated and cut out the two pictures...Antinous quietly became a personal patron saint, an immediate understanding between myself and whatever I thought GOD was supposed to be at that time. I placed a picture of Antinous on my small altar as a side deity...but he very soon grew to encompass my entire being.

In 1999 I began searching for Antinous on the Internet. At that time, there was almost no information about him...the one thing I encountered, completely by accident, was a photograph of the Antinous Osiris statue in the Vatican Museums...I had no idea that Antinous had anything to do with Osiris, and so to look upon his image, a face I was already familiar with in the form of Osiris, blew my mind open to the possibility that Antinous was far more than I ever imagined him to was at that moment, January of 2000 that I devoted my life to Antinous as my god. Within a few months I read that a Super Nova had occurred with the constellation Aquila, which was once called Antinous, the Super Nova had taken place on December 1st 1999. Immediately I understood that the super nova was a sign that had been reborn within my heart..the super nova and my enthusiasm for Antinous gave me the impetus to declare my faith in Antinous. I searched the Internet for others who also believed in Antinous, but found no one. So I took it upon myself to declare myself a priest of the religion of Antinous, and I made a solemn promise to do everything I could to re-found the ancient lost religion of Antinous in the modern world. Over the course of 2001 I formulated my belief and composed a website devoted to Antinous which went online in 2002

Within a few months others joined, including Phillipus, who was a tremendous help in formulating what was to become Ecclesia Antinoi. Over the course of several years, Phillips and I parted ways due to general disagreements, but I am pleased to say that dispite our disagreements, Phillupus continues to be strong in the faith. It was in the midst of the schism that Hernestus came to join in the faith of Antinous, and Hernestus, who is now a consecrated priest, has since become one of the strongest voices of Antinous Spirituality in the world. Soon after Uendi came to live in Los Angeles for no other reason than because she wanted to be a part of the Religion of Antinous...Uendi is now also a Priest of Antinous, and with the help of Uendi, we have since formed the Temple of Hollywood.

I am the first Priest of Antinous since the disolution of the ancient religion, and because I am devoted to Antinous above all other gods, I have been given the title of Flamen Antinoalis.

All words are a revolt against the namelessness of Antinous. He is the causeless cause, the perfect imperfection, the colorless spectrum, the cruel loving-kindness. He is the golden column that holds the stars aloft. He stands in a place and in a time beyond our vision of the vaulted sky. His hand turns the stars, and all triumphs of life, tainted with the smell of sweet regret, the splendor of shame, the silence of ignorance, the eventual certainty of complete understanding, in all that we do and say, the pulse of breath that pours from our mouths in the act of speaking his name, the artifice of hands...when compared to Antinous is nothing. He is all beauty, all perfection, all glory of Love, all wonder, and we who walk upon the crust of this burning stone, for a moment, can never measure his timelessness. Death will overcome us, the warm garment of flesh will fall to dust, and it is in his embrace that the flame within us will be carried away, but where? The location of heaven, the question of Hell, the vagueness of the underworld, the bottomless pit, are all meaningless stories. All we can know is what is here or there, yesterday or today, all we that have been given, and yet Antinous delivers enough rumor that we continue to wonder, to fear, and to doubt, because all prophesies, even when weighed down with revelation and witness and the authority of scriptures are tantamount to rumor. Only death will furnish the truth, and the boatman's fair is the coinage of pain. What is reserved for the eternal is a comfort of illusion. The Lord of Darkness, who voraciously feeds upon the flesh of the earth, who swings his scythe in gruesome joy, is forever outdone by the gestures of his heavenly brother, Our Lord Eros, Antinous...and Anti-Nous

These are not the words of a scholar, this is not a statement of proven facts intended to further the mind of historical or theological study, but only the speculation of one who has discovered a secret god. Antinous is the God of homosexuality, he is a manifestation of the ancient unknown, self-loving being who I call Homo Deus, known also as Priapus Invictus, Dionysus-Liber, and Ganymedes who was assumed into heaven, body and soul.

Antinous is the mysterious image that is imposed upon my soul. He is Narcissus, the most beautiful boy that ever lived, and I am the dark pool of water. His reflection illuminates my existence like a fire. This image, this perfect face is the glory that we all carry in our heart, it is the force of Our Lord Eros drawing us together, after which we desire and long and search for in the world. The Face of Antinous is the origin of Homosexuality, it is the flower that sprouted in the place where the Beautiful One stood, so very near our shore.

The mystery of Homotheosis (Gay-Man-Godliness-Becoming-the-Same) is to become Antinous, and in turn give yourself over to him, that he may live again through you. Remembering Antinous, and calling out to him, brings forth his power from the ground of our soul...where He once drowned.

Antinous is the light of our spirit, the image around which our flesh was formed. He burns within every cell, our heat is his heat. Though there have been many gods like Antinous, none of them are like Him. He is the only God who we can be sure lived a verifiable life, and the only God whose face and image are a recorded certainty. We know that Antinous was a real person, and He was a real god, because he was declared so and was worshipped and adored by followers for several hundred years. His life and His deification are truths, only their meaning is subject to speculation.

Antinous was a Homosexual.

It was through these statues that the message of His beauty, mystery, and godliness has been maintained, and it was through them that I discovered Antinous. I saw his face and understood. With one look I fell in love, and came into His power. Day by day He grew inside me, first imposing his Face upon my eyes, revealing his sacredness so that I cleared a place for him by the side of spirit, then Antinous knocked my life to the ground and became my One Love. I do not know when the moment came, but it was total.



I am initiated into these Mysteries by force of will alone,
Consecration to the Priesthood of Antinous is


  Antonius Nikias Subia,
Flamen Antinoalis,
Founder of The New Religion of Antinous


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